I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
