I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize