Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
