you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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