I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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