Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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