woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
