I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
