I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
