Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
