Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
