Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
