I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
