Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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