Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
