Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
