there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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