Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

need another drink. this is the easiest way

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(704): View more from North Carolina

You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.

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(512): View more from Texas

turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce

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(718): View more from New York

all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over

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(519): View more from Ontario

Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.

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(812): View more from Indiana

This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.

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(314): View more from Missouri

I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.

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(705): View more from Ontario

Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE

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