How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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