I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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