A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
