have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
