I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
