my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
