Don't make out with my wife yet
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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