Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
