There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
