guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
