but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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