I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
