you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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