I have demons in me.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
