I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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