We named our party play list daddy issues
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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