Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
