Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
