I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
