Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
