What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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