Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
