PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
