you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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