I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
