6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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