Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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