All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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