My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
