hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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