I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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