I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
