No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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