where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
