Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I wear drunk well.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
