Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This is my gift to your gina
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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