apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
