Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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