I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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