The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
