we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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