Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
