Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
