I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
