you have to choose: penises or morals?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
