I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
