i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
BRING THE BAGELS
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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