nut hugger
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
These tits shall not be calmed
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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