Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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