just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
