Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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