I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
