Define "chronic" masturbator.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
