so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
