i think my tv is drunk
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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