Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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