I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
