come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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