1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
