dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
