I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
