He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize